We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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