in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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