Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
