Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
