White coat. Heels.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...