i can't believe i had my finger in that
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
