Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
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Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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