Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just forgot I was standing up.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.