What a fucking waste of an outfit
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.