I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.