I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You took a bar mat shot.
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I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
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I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.