I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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