Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
