She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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