Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
