If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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