Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I want to have your abortion
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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