I just gift wrapped bread.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
