if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
