I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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