Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
