Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
