I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I want a musical about memes.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
