so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
