Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
