Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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