First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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