her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
