You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
