I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
