I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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