I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
