hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
