Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
