I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
