All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All I want is dick and wine.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
