I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
