VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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