I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
