M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You've changed since you got that strap on
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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