god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
