I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
