Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
