I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
