Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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