someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
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We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
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....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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