whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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