I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
