Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
