Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
