she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
