She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Actions speak louder than pants.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
