It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
All the doctor said was why
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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