This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
