He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
