I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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