So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is Oprah even human
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
