my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
