this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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