the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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