Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
