this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
