Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize