Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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