Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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