Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
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I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
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I'm just crazy horny about you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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