i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
