ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Randomize
