I faked an abortion last night.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
