I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
